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Land Of The Dead
- 2005
George A Romero - Director &
Neil Canton - Producer
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  They say you can't tell a book by it's cover, and that was what I was hoping after seeing the previews of LAND OF THE DEAD. Even more than that, I was actually hoping against hope that with the likes of Dennis Hopper and John Leguizamo in lead roles that there would something even slightly redeeming in this film. Well, such hopes and a dollar and a half can get you an espresso at Starbucks.
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What is it with Director George Romero, anyway? Has he made a pact with the Devil to make one crapola film after each good film? Romero is Hollywood's first and only sociopathic Director - while he always produces very professional films, he obviously has no ability to discern those films that are in some way socially redeeming (or at least entertaining) and those that should have been flushed down the toilet while they were still notes on the back of a match book.
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We might have known from the entirely unoriginal title, LAND OF THE DEAD, that this was going to be the big bum-out of the season, but if someone is actually going to make a zombie film, what is the first essential ingredient? Fear. No one would make a zombie film if it wasn't going to be scary, right? Wrong - Romero went out of his way to make this hum-drum. -Come on, even Abbott & Costello when they met Dracula, Frankenstein and the Wolfman way back in 1948 had audiences jumping out of their seats - and that was a comedy, for krissakes.
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In the infinitessimal chance that someone in Hollywood reads this, we as viewers would like to get something straight in the next batch of zombie films that you guys fob off on us. Firstly - as zombies are already 'dead", please explain what good it does to 'kill' them? Also, if a zombie's top lurching speed is a quarter of a mile an hour, how is it that someone can't just walk away from them, and how is it possible that these jolting, foot-dragging, growling, gurgling corpses can 'sneak up' on normal folks and then 'surprise' them? Also, where are the police, National Guard and the Army when all this slow-motion staggering is coming to town? And the one burning question I have been dying to ask for years; haven't these people heard of chainsaws?
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Enduring Line or Phrase: "No, I've always wanted to know how the other half lived."
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