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Stealth
- 2005
Rob Cohen - Director &
Mike Medavoy - Producer
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  We have some breaking entertainment news : the Golden Raspberry Awards is to have their first ever instant scratch-and-win "Razzie" awardee in Director Rob "Action-For-Action's Sake" Cohen and his instant bomb, STEALTH. This time, Cohen has exceeded himself - if that's the right word for it. STEALTH is a Buddy Pic with three buddies, not just the two found in a normal Hollywood fiasco of this magnitude. (Buddy Pics are defined as an unending series of 'bonding' set-pieces - resulting in absolutely nothing - a bit like pre-teen dating...)
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See, there is a shadowy Government figure in his darkened Pentagon office who's in cahoots with the skipper of a US Navy aircraft carrier, and these two have somehow come to control a super-brain unmanned combat aircraft called Eddie. As this deadly toy would only cost a trillion or so dollars to develop, Uncle Sam won't want any oversight on the deployment, right? These two decide to gamble their careers on being the first to dispatch Eddie on illegal missions in which Eddie can do his stuff. (Their motivation? It's like telling your teenage son to stop playing video games and go to bed, but he sneaks back to the computer and continues to play. What's so hard to understand about that?)
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But it gets so much worse.... In one shoot-from-the hip mission, the three buddies and their new UCAV, Eddie, are sent to Tajikistan to poison the Earth's atmosphere by destroying some old Russian nuclear warheads that are being driven down the road in plain sight of satellite reconnaissance without so much as a blanket to cover them. As this is a covert mission, it of course it goes bad - the female buddy gets shot down. I digress a moment - remember watching Jay Leno when he goes out and interviews random pedestrians, asking them stupid questions like, what continent France is in? And the average American embarrasses us by never knowing the correct answer? Well, our female buddy bails out over Tajikistan, and lands safely in.....North Korea. Way to go, Cohen - thanks for being the most illustrious Jay Leno stooge America has ever witnessed - you twit, do you have any idea how far it is from Tajikistan to North Korea? There was so much across-the-board 'fatal flaw' idiocy in this film that I could write several additional pages - but what is the point, really?
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LEAST
Enduring Line or Phrase: "You probably can't understand a word I'm sayin'..."
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